I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
