so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My cat gives me a boner
We need to rekindle our bromance
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
