Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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