did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
