I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
