The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
