What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
