that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
