Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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