These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
