First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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