you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
