Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
