Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cannot find my penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
