Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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