sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
