I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
