bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
