When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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