i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
