Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
