oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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