the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
