You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
