Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
