2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
