Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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