after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
