hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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