so that wasnt chicken after all
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My pussy is not your playground.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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