So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
