I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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