New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
