it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
