I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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