I puked a lego.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
