i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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