If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
