If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Randomize
