the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
