I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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