Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
