Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
