I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
