I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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