I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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