YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
