Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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