he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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