Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
