What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
