Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
