well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
