Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
