4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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