I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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